Authenticity is about being true to ourselves, expressing ourselves honestly, openly, and congruently, meaning aligning our words and actions with our beliefs and values. Yet many of us struggle to show up as our authentic selves in our personal and professional lives. We may fear rejection, judgment, or conflict, or we may have learned to suppress our true selves in order to fit in or please others.
Too often we put on masks. We show up one way with our boss, another way with our coworkers, and in a different way with our spouses or partners, our parents, our friends …
It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
It takes a lot of energy to be all those different ways. Not being authentic takes a lot of work. What a relief just to be who we are at all times, in every setting, aligned in what we say, believe, think, do, and act! No need for façades. No need for pretense. What freedom in not having to split off or compartmentalize aspects of ourselves! To be who we are, wherever we are. All the effort and energy we spend trying to put on a face, pretending to be something we are not, having to remember what we said to this one or that one is suddenly freed up. That unleashed power can be applied to other areas of our lives, toward our growth, success, and self-discovery. To improve the quality of our lives and our relationships. Being inauthentic saps our power. At some level we know and are disgusted by it.
Not only that, but there’s an even bigger price we pay: We start losing trust in our own selves, our credibility with ourselves. We start feeling like fakes … inauthentic. It’s a high price we pay for not being authentic!
Other Costs of Inauthenticity
Here are some of the various costs of inauthenticity as well as the benefits of living authentically.
Power leaks. Whenever we are other than our genuine selves or keep ourselves small to maintain the peace or out of fear of conflict, we allow our power to leak. Soulful power, authentic power, can only be experienced when we come from a place of authenticity.
Inner conflict. Being inauthentic creates a state of inner conflict. Often, in order to try to reduce that discomfort, we numb out in one of the many ways we have mastered in order to run away from our feelings and our unhealed pasts. (But numbing out doesn’t make the stuff go away! It only gets worse as it festers under the surface.)
Negative impact on our relationships. The depth of connection and quality of our relationships will suffer because of inauthenticity. If we are showing up as a façade or an act, we can expect to be met right at that level, like water finding its own level. True relationships that have a chance of working require realness.
Surface living. As humans, we long for connection. In fact, recent research has revealed that is at the core of all addiction. When we show up inauthentically, we doom ourselves to surface-level lives and connections. Not a good strategy.
Existential dissatisfaction. When we look at ourselves in the metaphorical mirror, there is no way we can like what we see when we are not being true to ourselves. We may be able to get away with fooling others for a while, but deep down inside, we can’t fool ourselves.
Clearly, the price we pay for not living authentically is high. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we can choose — and learn — to live authentically and reap the benefits that come with it.
Why must we be authentic?
By being true to ourselves, we can experience greater self-acceptance, inner peace, and meaningful connections with others. We can also unleash our power and creativity and pursue our passions and purpose with greater clarity and confidence.
True freedom and power come from embracing our identity and living life on our own terms. In a world that conditions us to fit in and not make waves, authentic self-expression is powerful … and nothing less than heroic work.
Ultimately, it’s about expressing our unique human potential. There isn’t anyone out there who has the same genetics, the same preferences, the same set of experiences that make us unique. If we don’t give expression to that, ain’t no one else gonna do it!
And that’s where our fulfillment is to be found.
How do we do it? Authenticity comes from the Greek autos “self” + hentes “doer, being.” So we do; we act. It won’t happen in a vacuum. No one else can do it for us. We take risks. We speak up, even when it’s easier to remain silent “and safe.” We refuse to hide our light and learn how to express ourselves with courage and grace.
Act. Come to one of my upcoming retreats and unleash your authentic self!
Or check out these 10 action-oriented steps to help evoke and support your most authentic self!